Seven Things We Should Say to Our Children

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.  –Ephesians 6:4

Have you ever had the unfortunate experience of overhearing a conversation you did not intend or want to hear?  This happened to me the other day in a grocery store parking lot.  I was walking back to my car after shopping when I passed a man and a teenage girl, presumably his daughter, having what sounded like a heated conversation.  As I passed by I heard the man say to the girl, “Retire?  How can I retire?  I can never retire and it’s because of you!”  I know better than to interfere with other peoples’ conflicts, but my heart ached for this girl.  The man said something she may negatively remember the rest of her life.

I know what the man said to the girl, but what do you think she heard?  I believe she heard something like, “You are a terrible burden to me and you’re causing me a lot of trouble – more than you’re worth.”  I walked away from this considering all the times I have spoken harsh words to my sons in moments of exasperation that I later regretted.  The only way to overcome the harsh words we have spoken in the past is to resolve to no longer speak them.  The next step is to cover our children with positive words of encouragement.

The following are my suggestions of things we should say to our children:

1. I love you.  These simple words speak volumes, and no matter how old our kids get, keep telling them this.

2. I am proud of you.  The world will point out our kid’s mistakes, so it is up to us to let them know how proud we are of their accomplishments.

3. You can accomplish this.  Listen when our children speak of their goals, hopes, and dreams.  Encourage them with the reminder that anything is possible if they trust God and set their minds to it.

4. I am here for you.  It’s up to us to let our kids know they can count on us when they need us.  When my sons were teenagers, we made a pact that if they were ever in a situation and needed me to come and get them, I would come, no questions asked.  Remind them that if they are at someone’s house and there is alcohol or drugs and they do not want to be there, they can call you and you will come – without judgment or lecture. 

5. You have a bright future.  This is the polar opposite of telling a kid how worthless he or she is, and believe me, countless children are often told such hateful words.  Remind our children often that they are unique individuals of unlimited worth and potential.

6. So, how’re you doing?  Are we truly willing to listen when our children speak to us?  If you have a trusting relationship in which your kids are willing to talk to you, then you are blessed, my friend.  Nurture this trust and let your kids know when they want to talk, you are willing to listen.

7. I’m sorry.  If we have failed our kids in some way, spoken harsh words, or were not there when they needed us, then a heartfelt apology is in order.  Swallow your pride and tell them you are sorry.  You may be surprised by the results.

Are there helpful and encouraging words you would add to the list?  How may I pray for you and your family today?  Start a discussion.  As always, you may post anonymously. 

Family is God’s gift to us.  Cherish them and nurture them.

God bless you.

Ten Reasons Life is Worth Living

I lay down and slept;

I awoke, for the Lord sustained me.

I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people

Who have set themselves against me all around.  –Psalm 3:5, 6

Often when I am talking with someone and trying offer encouragement, I realize I have no idea the true depths of despair the person may be experiencing.  He or she may be teetering on the edge of giving up on life altogether.  It may be that the person you speak kind and encouraging words to today may be hanging onto life by a slender thread, and your words could mean the difference between life and death.  Who knows that the person we bump into at the bank or grocery store may be so mired in sorrow that checking out of this world is beginning to look like a viable solution.

Several years ago, an acquaintance of mine stopped by the church office to see me.  I had known this man to be a hard worker, family man, and by all outward appearances emotionally solid.  He sat down in my office and began to speak of the internal struggles he was facing.  Through tears he confessed he believed his family and the world at large would be better off without him.  I sought to convince him that this wasn’t the case.  “Your family needs you,” I assured him.  “People all around you need you,” I said.  I sat there hoping and praying my words rang true and hit home.  I am glad to say the man is still here, and while I don’t see him very often, he is still among us, which means he is fighting the good fight of moving forward with life.

Maybe you have felt like the man I spoke with.  Perhaps you have experienced the hopelessness of despair and sorrow.  Let me assure you like I assured him that the world is a better place with you in it.  God has a wonderful plan for your life.  With this in mind, let me share today my ten reasons life is worth living.  Some of these overlap a little, but I pray they are an encouragement to you. 

1. Life will get better; give it more time.  You will be amazed at how life will have improved in a year from now.

2. You are an individual of immeasurable worth and potential.

3. You are not here by accident.  You were created by God for a divine purpose.

4. You are stronger than you think you are.

5. There are people who love you and need you in their lives.

6. The world is a better place with you in it.

7. You may feel terrible, yet you will be happy again.

8. God is perfectly willing to help you.  Ask and He will be there for you.

9. You possess gifts and talents from which others may benefit.

10. Joy is coming.  Seek it and wait for it.

How may I pray for you today?  Perhaps you just need to get something off your chest.  As always, you may comment anonymously.  

God bless you, it's going to be a great day!

Life Will Get Better. Give it More Time

For His anger is but for a moment,

His favor is for life;

Weeping may endure for a night,

But joy comes in the morning.  –Psalm 30:5

            Endless days stretch before you.  The little squares on the calendar mock you.  The hands of the clock appear to be your enemy.  Your mind is troubled with hard questions. 

            “How will I make it through today?” you wonder.  The question can go no further, for you dare not think too far ahead.  Attempting to think beyond right now is too painful.  It’s all you can do to make it through the next few moments.  Dark thoughts crowd into your mind.  They tell you lies.  In your anguish you begin to believe, even if it’s for only a moment, life will never get better.  You feel you are stranded on this island of misery with no hope of rescue.  You come to a harsh and desperate conclusion; life is no longer worth living.

            Stop right there.  You must cease from thinking in these terms.  Allow me to share with you a simple truth which explains why I am so serious about this.  Life will get better if you will give it more time.  Let’s not play with any shallow parables about time healing all wounds.  Right now you need something of greater substance.  Put away any thoughts, no matter how sketchy they may be, of doing something drastic, and give your life more time.  If you will heed this advice you will be amazed at the results.  One year from now you will be amazed at how your life will have improved. 

            I understand perfectly what it feels like to believe life is no longer worth living.  Joy is gone, happiness is a foreign idea, and peace is overshadowed by constant gloom and sorrow.  Simple tasks such as getting out of bed, shaving, showering, getting dressed, and facing the world all have become too much trouble.  Pursuits which once brought tremendous joy now seem pointless.  Lying in bed and sleeping look much more appealing.  In fact, if given the opportunity you would sleep all day every day.  You sleep because while in the twilight of dreams you no longer contemplate how miserable you feel.  Were you to relay all of this to me I would pat you on the shoulder, gently, calmly, and share with you my own dark battle with depression.  During my darkest days when I thought I could go no further and life would never get better I resolved, with God’s help, to hold to a simple truth; life will get better if I give it more time. 

            How long did it take for me until life got better?  My struggle lasted six long years, from 2000 until 2006.  However, I held to this certainty; life will get better.  Heading into the sixth year I again claimed this powerful principle.  I again reminded myself that one year from now my situation will have improved.  The following spring the light shined, the dark clouds parted, and with God’s help the climb out of sorrow, depression, and all the accompanying loneliness and despair began in earnest.  Each succeeding year has become brighter as I have learned how to better manage and overcome depression.

            You can accomplish this.  You will get better.  Life will improve.  Your situation can and will look brighter.  No matter how lonely and desperate you may feel do not give up.  Give it more time.  You will be amazed down the road how life has become better, brighter, and more hopeful.  You will live again and you will be happy.

            Does feeling better and living a happy and productive life appear impossible?  One year from now your life will have improved. 

            Take life one day at a time, one hour at a time, and if you have to do so, take life one minute at a time.  You will never know the joys which await you if you give up.

            Keep going, for life is worthy living and will get better.

            Your journey has just begun.

How may I pray for you today?  As always, you may comment anonymously. It's going to be a great day.

Seven Things we Ought to Say to People

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.  –Proverbs 16:24

I recently wrote a blog post about things we should never say, and so today I bring you my list of what we ought to say at every opportunity.  Each day we encounter people who are probably hurting inside.  No one knows what is truly going on in someone else’s heart, but if your heart is anything like mine you are most likely burdened with all sorts of problems, stresses, and situations capable of producing a level of anxiety.  What a difference when someone speaks kind and gracious words to us in those moments we are down.  The right words, spoken at a time when we are discouraged, are like a healing balm to a troubled soul. 

Speaking words that help and encourage those around us is an intentional practice. We must be disciplined in our approach to how we relate to people.  In light of the negative words we often hear, the following is my list of what we ought to say at every opportunity.

1. Thank you.  These simple words carry great weight and go a long way toward expressing gratitude.  The words are applicable in countless situations ranging from being given a gift, assisted with a task, or told something helpful.

2. You’re welcome.  No doubt you have said, “Thank you,” to someone and the reply was, “No problem,” “Don’t mention it,” or “Don’t worry about it.”  These phrases carry the implication of gratitude, yet leave us feeling short changed.  It’s as if your expression of gratitude was unnecessary.  I know people rarely mean anything negative by such responses, yet an opportunity was missed.  Try sticking with the classic, “You’re welcome,” and see the difference it makes.

3. I appreciate you very much.  Here we distinguish between what someone did and the actual person.  Were it not for the person, what he or she did for us would never have happened.  The emphasis is on the individual rather than on what he or she did for us.  These words have the power to lift up people who are questioning their self-worth.

4. It’s going to be all right.  When going through a trying and difficult time, it often helps to be reminded that the problem, no matter how great, will one day be behind us.  This is always preferable to the negative and discouraging words we hear each day.

5. I hope all this works out for you.  Whenever a friend or loved one announces a plan that doesn’t make sense to us, such as I’m getting married, I’m moving to Nepal, or I’m changing careers, we do well to avoid a knee jerk reaction.  When someone drops a bombshell on us our first instinct is to jump up and say, “You’re going to do what?”  Sound advice, given at the proper time, is beneficial, but in the meantime a kind word of hope is always appreciated.  Letting someone know you hope everything works out well in the long run is usually well received.

6. I’m praying for you.  Having said this, be sure to then follow through with your promise to lift the person up to God in prayer.

7. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.  Never speak these words unless you are committed to being available when the person needs you.  You may have to take the person by the hand and follow this declaration up with, “I mean it; call me anytime if you need me.”  In time, someone may offer his or her help to you and you may  be the one reaching out in time of need.  Such care and kindness may mean life or death to someone.

I trust this is helpful.  Perhaps you are going through a hard time and need someone to pray for you.  I welcome an opportunity to do that.  As always, you may post a comment anonymously. 

God bless you – it’s going to be a great day.

The Value of Human Contact

And he withdrew himself into the wilderness, and prayed.   –Luke 5:16

The other day I was outside and while swatting at what I thought was a bug that had landed on my neck (it turned out to be a leaf), I dropped my cell phone.  And when I say dropped it, I mean I really dropped it.  The fall was from about the level of my face and the phone fell to the concrete patio.  The damage was complete and I ended up acquiring a new phone.  I was able to salvage all my pictures from the old phone, but I haven’t been able to do the same with my contacts.  I will have to reenter those manually.  Having those contacts is important.

I say this because my phone contacts illustrate the need for human contact.  All those names and numbers represent people I know in one way or another.  Relationships can be difficult and at times exhausting, yet we all need them because we need human interaction.  Remove human contact from our lives and we run the risk of becoming lonely and bitter.  This isn’t to say we do not need a little time to ourselves, because we all do.  Someone has coined the phrase “me time” to describe time we spend alone.  Getting away from daily interactions for a while to rest, reflect, and regenerate is vitally important to overall health.  The Bible shows how even Jesus took time to get away by Himself for prayer and personal renewal.  Jesus was empowered then to come back to His relationships refreshed and prepared to minister to and encourage the people around Him.

Happy and well-adjusted people typically have a network of support and relationships built into their lives.  They choose to live within this framework of interaction with others rather than isolation.  Cutting ourselves off from the support of others is dangerous.  Keep involved, continue reaching, out, and keep making a positive difference in the world through helping others.  You might say, ‘What about all the toxic people in my life?”  My answer is work around them, don’t let them get you down, and distance yourself from them if you have to.  Remember the only person you can change and control is you. 

Have relationships burned you out or hurt you?  Is there something you’d like to get off your chest today?  Please let me know how I can pray for you.

God bless you – it’s going to be a great day.

Seven Things we Should Never say to Anyone, Ever

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.  -Matthew 7:12

When Jesus spoke of doing unto others, He referred to an attitude of being proactive in how we relate to people around us.  We desire to be treated with respect, dignity, kindness, and mercy.  Therefore, if we desire to be treated this way, we must demonstrate such conduct to the world.  Our words carry great weight.  Consider what we say and how we say it.  Are we tearing people down or building them up?  One kind word has the power to alter someone’s outlook, especially if the person is feeling down.  Sadly, the reverse is true.  One harsh or inconsiderate word can bring someone down from the positive mindset he or she was enjoying.

Many years ago while serving on staff at a church in another state, I was attending a church sponsored fellowship.  Door prizes were awarded, and since I rarely win anything, I was pleased to have won the incredible prize of five free trips to a tanning salon.  I had no intention of using them as wild horses couldn't drag me into a tanning bed, but I remarked to the person next to me about the prize.  The person sitting next to me, an elderly woman named Francis, replied, “Well, you need a trip to the tanning salon; you always look so pale and sickly.”  Ouch!  That still stings.  People make odd statements to each other and sometimes the words are bewildering.  When we speak uplifting words to others, we receive wonderful rewards.  We encourage others, and we come away from the encounter feeling better.

Here are my seven things we ought never to say to others:

1. Are you okay?  You look so sad.  No one wants to be told this.  I have had moments where I felt fine, and someone goes out of his or her way to comment on my sorrowful expression.  Nothing is to be gained from this statement.

2. You look tired.  If you were feeling wide awake before, chances are you’re feeling sleepy after someone tells you this. 

3. Wow, you've lost a lot of hair.  There is no need to ever tell a man he is going bald.  I am one of these lucky men who started going bald in my thirties, and yes, I am reminded of it from time to time.  The next time you’re tempted to say this, stop and remember the person no doubt saw himself in the mirror within the last hour.  He knows he’s going bald.

4. Wow, you've really put on some weight.  This ranks right up there with asking a woman if she’s pregnant.  She may not be.  Someone has sarcastically suggested that we ought never to ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless she is in the actual act of giving birth.  That, or if she’s wearing one of those shirts with an arrow pointing down to her stomach that reads, “Baby on the way.”  As with hair loss, people are fully aware of how much they weigh and how they look.  Few of us appreciate being told we have put on weight.  The only time this might be acceptable would be if the person is a cancer patient who had lost dozens of pounds, is now in remission, and is finally looking healthy again.  Otherwise, the topic is best left alone.

5. You are way too thin. You should gain some weight.  What is a healthy weight anyway?  Unless you are a doctor conferring with your patient, such advice is best left unsaid. 

6. Are you feeling all right?  You look sick.  Why anyone would ever feel the need to utter this statement to someone is beyond me, but I know it happens.  As with telling someone how tired he looks, when we tell someone he or she looks sick, the person might begin wondering about it and start actually feeling ill.  Such is the power of suggestion. 

7. I don't care.  What people need are affirming and encouraging words.  If you have had the unpleasant situation of sharing your thoughts with someone only to be told he or she doesn't care you know how this hurts.  These words convey that you aren't important and I do not have time to listen to you.  

 Compliments, kind words, joyful words, and words that encourage and build people up are always appropriate.  Leave the negative statements alone.  Resolve to speak only what helps others.  You have the power to make or break someone’s day.  Help make it a great day.  Check back later as I'll be sharing my list of things we ought to say to others.  

So, what bizarre things have people said to you?  I would love to hear from you today.  As always, you may comment anonymously. 

God bless you.

Monday Morning Stretching

I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.  –Psalm 34:4 

Spiritual growth is like physical growth in that we have to be stretched in order to grow stronger.  Sometimes I pray and acknowledge that God is stretching me, yet if you are anything like me, you wonder how much more stretching you can take.  Each new challenge, every new obstacle in our path, and each difficulty is an opportunity for personal and spiritual growth.  We either grow through the experience or we fall apart.  Growth is always the better outcome.  Since God is the source of our strength, faith in Him results in forward progress with a brighter outlook rather than giving up.

No doubt you are facing difficulties today.  Your problems could range from battling depression, a long term illness, or a rebellious child.  Any of these has the potential to rob us of the peace and joy we would like to have.  Let me challenge you to trust the Lord with the trials you are facing and claim the peace that is ours in Christ.  God has a plan and you are not alone.  Take heart, rise up, and walk forward to a better, brighter day.  Try as we might, we cannot hide from our problems.  A spiritual approach is to face them head on and walk forward in God’s power.

Yes, it is Monday morning, and perhaps you are feeling down.  Pray for strength, claim God’s power, be thankful, count your blessings, and resolve just for today to live life to the fullest.  God has a plan and it’s going to be a great day.

How can I pray for you today?  Feel free to leave me a comment in the comments section and tell me what’s on your mind.  As always, you may comment anonymously.  Maybe you need to get something off your chest.  I welcome the opportunity to come alongside you and encourage you today.

God bless you.